Attachment, anxiety and relationships

Couples often awaken intense emotions. We need to feel loved, understanding and secure but we can also experience fear of rejection, insecurity or difficulties with confidence.

These experiences are often attributed exclusively to attachment, though reality is far more complex.

What happens when we get emotionally connected

The intimate relations activate profound needs related to closeness and protection.

That's why conduct that's intended to regain a sense of safety when we perceive an emotional threat is common.

It's not all about childhood.

The early experiences have a great influence but they are not the only factor that explains how we relate.

Later relationships, loss experiences, breakups or life events also contribute to shaping our attachment patterns.

Anxiety and avoidance are not forms of attachment

We tend to identify certain behaviours with labels as "anxious attachment" or "avoidant attachment."

Nevertheless, relational anxiety and avoidance are coping strategies that can appear in anyone at times of vulnerability.

As Manuel Hernández (2019) points out, an assessment of attachment requires considering far more extensive processes related to emotional regulation, memory organisation and mentalization.

To understand our relations from a deeper look

When we understand our relational difficulties from a broad perspective, we stop looking for simple explanations and start to understand the complexity of our emotional history.

That is often one of the fundamental aims of the therapeutic process.

References

Hernández, M. (2019). Apego and psychopathology: Anxiety and its Origin. Bilbao: Editorial Desclée de Brouwer, S.A.

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