Eroticism and sexual fantasies

Before I start talking about eroticism or erotic experience, I think it's important to define that concept. To do this I will use the following from the Spanish Royal Academy, understanding it as:

1. That's what excites sexual pleasure.
2. The quality of some events and situations that stimulate sensuality.

After reading these two definitions, I think they are somewhat vague in content, I have settled on the definition of Javier Gómez Zapiain, a professor of Sexuality Psychology at the University of the Basque Country, who understands eroticism as the expression of sexual desire in all its manifestations, that is, that's what popularly means as sex.

But what do we mean by sex?

Erotic sex or experience isn't only what we understand as explicit sexual conduct but also the emotional experience that accompanies that conduct. In other words, satisfaction in erotic experience will depend not only on physical stimulation but also on the meaning that each person assigns to it at every moment.

That's why erotic experience can be experienced in a multitude of ways, with or without body intimacy. That intimacy is understood as people's ability to connect with and share the deeper levels of themselves.

Thus, some people may decide to live an erotic experience by considering another person's body as a highly exciting and desirable object without intimacy. To that end, it would be important to consider the existence of a previous pact, explicit or implicit, that it's only about sharing erotism with no more emotional involvement.

Other people may need to feel in love with the person with whom they share their sexual relations. In these situations, erotism consists of sharing body pleasure, understanding the body not just as an object but as the representation of the Self itself. That is, we share not only the body but the deepest part of ourselves.

as stated in the book Understand your fantasies from Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock, sex isn't just physical contact with another person, but also physical contact with oneself alone, and sexual fantasies come into play as well.

What are sexual fantasies?

Sexual fantasies can be anything, from words, an emotion, a fleeting image. They can involve all the senses and can be fantasized alone or with others.

They can be the main or only form of sexual activity for many people, whether by reading erotic stories or by viewing those of other people through pornography or erotic photography and / or by writing their own or performing them. In short, fantasies can be a means of communication with those we have a relationship with about what we like, offering fun and excitement.

On many occasions fantasies can be seen as a problem for the person as they can fantasize about something that goes against his or her values or is politically incorrect. If this is added to the taboo that exists around this issue, the person can come to be overwhelmed by his or her thoughts. To do this, it can be good to observe these fantasies calmly and pay attention to reactions to them without blaming oneself for them, as they are ideas that appear.

References:

Gómez.J. (2009). Apego y sexualidad. Entre el vínculo afectivo y el deseo sexual. Alianza Editorial

Barker, M-J y Hancock,J. (2022). Comprende tus fantasías. Editorial Continta Me Tienes