Perfectionism and setting excessively high standards

We live in a society where, as the philosopher says Byung-Chul Han: “We are exploited by our own will and with the belief that we are undergoing ourselves"Behind this exploitation lies perfectionism and hyperdemand. To understand the first, as a set of thoughts and behaviours whose goals are unattainable and the second, as a desire to always be better and never to be satisfied with the achievements made. With these definitions, we can say that perfectionism is the cause of hyperdemand. But,..."

What does perfectionism or hyperdemand cause?

The perfectionists have learned that others will evaluate them from what they have achieved, causing them to evaluate themselves only from what they have done perfectly. That's quite common in artistic careers, where they have been taught that the result is most important. The perfectionists have learned to value themselves based on the approval of others, basing their self-esteem on external standards related to their achievements. They are very susceptible to the opinions of others. Perfectionism is a defence against criticism and disapproval from others. Behind perfectionism there may be feelings and thoughts such as:

• Thoughts of the "I have to" type
• Fear of failure or mistakes
• Polarized thought "all or nothing"
• Fear of disapproval

What's the vicious circle of perfection?

The fear of failure and the unattainable goals set by the perfectionist person lead them to delay these goals or fail to achieve them. This leads the person to be self-critical and blame themselves for not achieving what they set out to do, leading to anxiety about the pressure that is generated. All of this leads to a decline in self-esteem. Thus, increasing their fear of making a mistake and thinking about unrealistic things, feeding the vicious circle.

The vicious circle of perfectionism

1. Fear of failure or error.
2. The targets are postponed or stopped.
3. Excessive guilt and criticism.
4. Anxiety and discouragement.
5. Decreased self-esteem.
6. Increased fear of error.
7. More guilt, that again feeds perfectionism.

Now that I understand what's going to happen...

What can I do with perfectionism and hyperdemand?

The first thing to do is to realize that being perfect is something unattainable.

Here are some recommendations:

• Bend your goals into your own desires, instead of outside expectations.
• The goals have to be realistic, internal and potentially achievable.
• Enjoy the process rather than look at the result, that's to say, evaluate not only what you did but how much you enjoyed doing the homework.
• Realize that your mistakes are limited to a specific situation, do not generalize, feeling that you are worthless.
• Confront your fears that may be behind your perfectionism, a good question you can ask yourself is: "What could be the worst thing that could happen to me?"
• When you make a mistake, ask yourself: "What can I learn from this experience?"

Teresa Ramírez Ortegón References: Perfectionism. Mental Health Unit (extracted 3 / 3 / 2024) If you have more information or interested you will be interested in some workshop or course you can find more information at The school. If you feel that I can help you with something contact me, with no commitment, through this link.